The return of...What You're Googling!

I haven't done this in awhile but my brain is currently devoid of original coherent thought, so let's give this a whirl. This report of What You're Googling will be broken up by category:

1. The beer is still addicted to me: People still search for this several times a day. Why they end up here I do not know. In related news, "stages of drunk" is rapidly rising up the search charts. No, this is not a sign that I do in fact have a problem.

2. Panda-monium: I don't know what prompted it, but about a month ago I started noticing at least 5-10 daily hits that involve the word "panda." Baby panda, 3 day old panda, panda cub, and my personal favorite..."panda drunk." Poor little Mei Lan is too young and fragile to imbibe, so we better be talking about another panda!

3. Lyrics: That Mika song "Grace Kelly" really took off, didn't it? So did searches for the lyrics. I also get a few searches for the Jewel song that was on Men in Trees every now and again.

4. Skinny, ugly or both?: I shudder to think why so many people appear to be searching for "too thin," "thin models," "way too thin," "thin pictures," etc. Would I prefer that it be men who are turned on by emaciated chicks, or women who are looking for incentive to starve themselves? Either way it's awful. Don't even get me started on "models under 18." Also along these lines, someone really, really wanted "pictures of ugly girls." I hope that them following a link to my blog after that search isn't the web equivalent of having my picture in the dictionary.

5. Random shit: Some searches I understand, some I don't. For example, I get why people who are searching for snakes in Florida or Georgia would end up here. The ones I don't: "ponder your scene," "gay red sox" (hey! fuckin' Yankee fans...), or "monster lobster."

6. Here, pussy pussy pussy: Lots of searches for "cathouse," "bunny ranch," "sunset thomas," etc. One hopeful but probably disappointed search for "atlanta cathouse." In related news, and again I don't want to know how they were led to me, we have searches for "prostitutes in Atlanta," "sluts in Atlanta" (because there's like a running list or something?), and "anonymous sex in Dawsonville." Good luck with that one buddy!

7. I really don't want to know: "drug resistant syphilis." Yes, more than once that was searched and ended up here. I don't have it, I swear!

(I am, however going to wish I hadn't included the P word in a post on this blog. I can feel the porn searches starting as I write this.)

Bling Bling here we come!

As part of my best friend's visit I think we will be going to the zoo to see the baby panda on Monday. I'm so excited! I need something cute and fuzzy right now to wash away the stress and bitterness of the last 2 weeks.

And now for something completely adorable

You might've thought I forgot about Atlanta's baby girl panda, now named Mei Lan (though she will forever be Bling Bling to me) but I didn't. And this week she is suddenly mobile and crawling about, when she's not sleeping the sleep of an exhausted baby who walked until she dropped. So cute. Check it out.

PandaCam

I can't wait til the public can go see her in person. I will definitely be heading down to ZooAtlanta as soon as she is ready for prime time.

Time to bring the adorable

Sadly, Bling Bling was not on the official list of names that the panda cub's chinese name will be selected from on December 15th. It was on the list of "horrible names." This is a travesty.

You're not sick of baby panda pictures yet, are you?

Good.

That's Our Baby

She is getting so big!

Drunkpanda

The panda's not drunk but I kinda am and so I'm posting an adorable picture of Bling Bling. So cute it hurts.

Ma, they're pokin' me!

Yesterday Bling Bling had her latest weigh-in and exam. She's getting so big! And still cute as a button. Here's more pics from the AJC that will melt even the coldest heart.

Your new cuteness bomb

OK this baby panda Glamour Shot is just the cutest thing ever. I defy ANYONE to prove that Butterstick was cuter than Bling Bling. OUR PANDA KICKS YOUR PANDA'S ASS!!!

So Cute It Hurts

The power of baby panda cuteness commands you to say awwww to these 2 recent pics released by Zoo Atlanta:

Cutie patootie!

Baby pandas will always make you feel better.

Here's a whole photo gallery of adorable pictures of yesterday's panda doctor visit from the AJC.

Cuteness cures all

Some Bling Bling always makes me feel better. Can you believe how much she's grown? Almost a full coat of hair now!

It's a Girl!

Bling Bling was finally examined today and she is decidedly female. Check out how much the black and white markings have grown in already!

She's still kinda ugly, but now she's almost so ugly she's cute.

Bling Bling ain't so cute just yet

OK so he's only 2 weeks old, and his markings are clearly growing in, but Bling Bling the wonder panda baby kinda looks...strange.

I guess the downside of getting such unprecedented access to video and photos so early in a panda's life is that we see them before they grow into their cuteness.

Quick Hits

Blogger is sucking today and I don’t want to do separate posts and wait 45 minutes each time for the damn dashboard to download, so I'll throw these all in one post:

* I honestly don’t know which is funnier: that President Bush has a Committee for People with Intellectual Disabilities, or that Clay Aiken wants to be on it. I report, you decide.

* Wonkette’s trying to start a Panda War! Fuck you Wonkette, right in the ear! Our baby panda still gets to go through its entire cute infancy, toddler and childhood phases (all the while being watched on webcam) while yours is now an over the hill has-been. And if we get a second baby panda, then we DEFINITELY win. Besides, our panda’s nickname (I hereby christen him/her Bling Bling) is way better than Butterstick. So there.

* It’s been a good week for celebrity haters (and I know you’re out there, I see who clicks over to the Superficial!). Paris Hilton got a DUI *and* cried after she was denied entrance to Bungalow 8 nightclub. Jessica Simpson got dumped by John Mayer shortly after whoring out their nascent quasi-relationship on the cover of People with the line “I think I’m in love!” Meanwhile, Britney’s apparently going to name her unborn daughter Jailynn, because having a sister named Jamie Lynn after her parents Jamie and Lynn wasn’t bad enough. (Though, it is better than naming her daughter after a fruit.) And finally, John Travolta got caught on camera kissing a boy, resurrecting all those old rumors that he became a Scientologist to cleanse himself of the gay.

At this point, if someone told me Lindsay Lohan had antibiotically-resistant syphillis, I might have to declare this the best celebrity news week ever. (I’m being nice here and choosing not to pick on strange-looking Suri Cruise. Oops, I guess I just did.)

We got a Butterstick!!!

A giant panda at Zoo Atlanta gave birth today to a baby panda. Zoo officials had hoped she was pregnant, and even sent in a psychic to "commune" with the panda to see if she was giving off maternal vibes. Apparently she was! Now they're watching to see if there was a twin because half of panda births are of twin cubs.

This will be so exciting I can hardly stand it! I may have to actually go to the zoo now, just so I can see the baby panda. (Yes, I know, it will be like months and months before they let us commonfolk see the baby. I DON'T CARE!!!)

There will be streaming webcam of the panda baby starting tomorrow morning at 10am. This is gonna be great.

Previous Post on this Topic:
Atlanta's Very Own Butterstick?

Update: So the discussion of what we should name the baby has already begun. The National Zoo's panda became nicknamed Butterstick because initial news reports said he was the size of a stick of butter. But I've been told by a DC resident that we're not allowed to steal the name. Over at the AJC there have been many suggestions (no we are NOT naming the damn thing after Steve Irwin you morons) but the one that made me chortle was Bling Bling. Hee.