The return of...What You're Googling!

I haven't done this in awhile but my brain is currently devoid of original coherent thought, so let's give this a whirl. This report of What You're Googling will be broken up by category:

1. The beer is still addicted to me: People still search for this several times a day. Why they end up here I do not know. In related news, "stages of drunk" is rapidly rising up the search charts. No, this is not a sign that I do in fact have a problem.

2. Panda-monium: I don't know what prompted it, but about a month ago I started noticing at least 5-10 daily hits that involve the word "panda." Baby panda, 3 day old panda, panda cub, and my personal favorite..."panda drunk." Poor little Mei Lan is too young and fragile to imbibe, so we better be talking about another panda!

3. Lyrics: That Mika song "Grace Kelly" really took off, didn't it? So did searches for the lyrics. I also get a few searches for the Jewel song that was on Men in Trees every now and again.

4. Skinny, ugly or both?: I shudder to think why so many people appear to be searching for "too thin," "thin models," "way too thin," "thin pictures," etc. Would I prefer that it be men who are turned on by emaciated chicks, or women who are looking for incentive to starve themselves? Either way it's awful. Don't even get me started on "models under 18." Also along these lines, someone really, really wanted "pictures of ugly girls." I hope that them following a link to my blog after that search isn't the web equivalent of having my picture in the dictionary.

5. Random shit: Some searches I understand, some I don't. For example, I get why people who are searching for snakes in Florida or Georgia would end up here. The ones I don't: "ponder your scene," "gay red sox" (hey! fuckin' Yankee fans...), or "monster lobster."

6. Here, pussy pussy pussy: Lots of searches for "cathouse," "bunny ranch," "sunset thomas," etc. One hopeful but probably disappointed search for "atlanta cathouse." In related news, and again I don't want to know how they were led to me, we have searches for "prostitutes in Atlanta," "sluts in Atlanta" (because there's like a running list or something?), and "anonymous sex in Dawsonville." Good luck with that one buddy!

7. I really don't want to know: "drug resistant syphilis." Yes, more than once that was searched and ended up here. I don't have it, I swear!

(I am, however going to wish I hadn't included the P word in a post on this blog. I can feel the porn searches starting as I write this.)