Don't f*ck with Florida

Despite my earlier mockery of my home state, I still am smart enough to recognize its political and electoral importance in any presidential election. I am, apparently, smarter than Fred Thompson. For today, Fred Thompson virtually wrote off any chance at all of carrying Florida if he is the party's nominee by stating that he supports not only drilling for oil and gas off of the Florida gulf coast, but also drilling in the Everglades.

To those who have never visited Florida or don't understand what's so great about it or its damned bodies of water, let me explain it very succinctly. Florida has no income tax and a relatively low state sales tax. It has a relatively low overall tax burden on residents because it makes most of its revenue from the state's primary industry: tourism. In addition to that park with the mouse that Orlando is known for, the rest of Florida's tourist destinations are all beaches or swampy airboat tours through the 'glades. If you fuck with Florida's tourist destinations, say by putting big ugly pollutey oil rigs in or near them, you fuck with Florida. And you don't want to fuck with Florida if you have any desire to ever be President.

Fred Thompson made his boneheaded off-the-cuff remarks about all the places he'd drill during a meeting with Florida governor Charlie Crist, who has done a remarkable job during his last 9 months in office of not screwing anything up or pissing anyone off. In continuing that trend, after the comments by Thompson, Crist was apparently asked in a phone call if he agreed with Thompson's drill-happiness. Crist responded:

"I wasn't completely overjoyed with the positions ... but I think he'll take some time to respond to them."

(Back pedal, back pedal! Distance thyself!)

In other words, shortly someone needs to clue Fred in to the fact that if he doesn't repudiate everything he just said and basically loudly and repeatedly state "DRILLING IN FLORIDA IS BAAAAD," he's toast.

Maybe you don't mess with Texas, but you certainly don't fuck with Florida. Or its beaches or swamps. IDIOT.