Beauty and terror

I have a ton going on today and won't really have time to blog, but here's a quick and dirty rundown:

* Our annual reviews for the associates in our group are today. Yes, on a Saturday. I'm more than a little nervous about them for reasons I can't go into here. Hoping I can keep my cool.

* I'm getting my hair cut today, but when the salon called to confirm yesterday they said I'm having it cut by Ross. Because I'm a moron I can't really remember the name of the guy who cuts my hair...but I'm 99% sure it's not Ross. So this should be interesting. At least if it's not the usual guy, it also hopefully won't be ninety freaking dollars--before tip.

* After that I need a pedicure in a bad way, and to run some errands. Then I have a birthday party tonight. Might squeeze some beer in there somewhere beforehand.

* Sincere and heartfelt congratulations to Griftdrift, who I have been pushing for years now to start playing in major poker tournaments, and who finally listened to me last year and has now played in satellites or table events at three different World Series of Poker circuit events. And last night he came in third in one such tournament, out of 157 players. He made himself enough to pay not only for his trip, but also for probably the two other trips as well. I am so thrilled for him and proud of him. And I hope now he's got the bug and will want to do it more often.

* Where'd the title come from? (Other than being an apt way to mention both getting my hair done and annual reviews?) Well, Rainier Maria Rilke once wrote:

For beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror,

which we are still just able to endure,

and we are so awed because it serenely disdains to annihilate us.

I think of this quote every time I find something in my life that I suddenly become transfixed with and want incredibly badly, but also become instantly afraid that it will be taken away from me. Lately I've been thinking how depressing it is not to have something to obsess and be excited about, but now that I found a new one it's absolutely terrifying to think of all the ways that this could fall apart. Not knowing how things will turn out is so deliciously awful that I can hardly stand it. But I'd take it over having nothing worth obsessing over, any day of the week.