Stages of Drunk

Over at Blog for Democracy I saw a link to a description of the 5 stages of drunkenness, and while amusing they don't really fit MY 5 stages. My friends long ago came up with a personal drunk scale for me, on account of my notoriously low tolerance and certain amusing behavior I exhibit as the scale progresses. The Sara stages are:

2 or 3 drinks depending on whether I've eaten: tipsy, pleasant, smiles a lot

4 drinks: I become vulgar. I will start telling dirty jokes and talking quite frankly about sexual acts, including telling perfect strangers what a Dirty Sanchez is. Yes, this has happened before.

5 drinks: I tell everyone my deepest, darkest secrets. If I want to sleep with you, after 5 drinks there is a very good chance I will decide now is the best time to tell you that.

6 drinks: I lose feeling in my extremities. I have been known to drop glasses full of cocktail, only to continue to hold my hand in the shape of the glass, oblivious that the glass has long since dropped to the floor.

7 drinks: I take my clothes off, sometimes. This would be the point when I've taken off my pants and gone into the Atlantic Ocean in February, or changed clothes in the middle of Commonwealth Ave. in Boston. Yeah.

8 drinks: the wheels are off, and usually the few times I've gotten to this point I have started to get the spins and had to go somewhere and lay there until they pass.

So, for those who may at some point encounter me in a state of intoxication at a bar or party anytime soon (though lately I barely drink even when I do go out...not sure what's going on but my heart's just not in it at present), and I start telling you a dirty joke or speaking conspiratorially about how I've always had a crush on so-and-so, you'll know where I'm at on the scale. And if I clearly can't feel my hands and feet, do me a favor and cut me off before I get nekkid.