Out, Out Damned Gay

So some heretofore unknown blogger has been promising to out a U.S. Senator, and yesterday he finally did so. He claims Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, is gay and that there is evidence and stuff. He justifies this because Sen. Craig has voted for the Defense of Marriage Act and the gay marriage Constitutional Amendment and therefore his hypocrisy is fair game. (I should note here for legal and other purposes that so far we have absolutely no evidence that Sen. Craig is, in fact, gay other than the word of this one blogger. You know how much a blogger's word is usally worth...)

Meanwhile, over at Shakespeare's Sister there is an interesting discussion going on about whether outing is OK. Shakes wrote an impassioned and well-reasoned explanation of why it's OK to out public officials who take positions that are detrimental to homosexuals, and I largely agree with what she wrote. And yet, I still can't stomach it and I can't really put my finger on why.

I think the problem is, I don't like the idea of people taking pleasure in exposing the private torture of others. I particularly don't like that idea when I know that rather than people being appalled at the hypocrisy of taking positions fundamentally antithetical to their own personal reality, a good chunk of the public is going to be repelled by that politician because they're gay. And outing them is sort of an invitation to be icked out by their gayness. Witness Mark Foley--yes, the whole issue of a Congressman using his power differential to put the moves on teenage subordinates has obviously icked a lot of people out, but we've seen a fair amount of just plain gay backlash, too. For a lot of folks it's not the page part, it's the MALE page part that bothers them so much. Similarly, I think that if Sen. Craig really is gay and carefully closeted (and who knows if that is even true), then whatever backlash he will receive from this outing is going to be focusing more at his homosexuality than his hypocrisy. And that bothers me, because in a way it's inviting homophobia even if it's not the obvious objective of the outing.

There's a second thing that bothers me--he has a wife and family. If he really is gay, their lives are going to be fundamentally altered by having it revealed to the public, too. Either they knew but were keeping it quiet and now everyone's going to know they've been living a sham life, or they had no idea and now they will have to deal with their shock and potentially their anger at being lied to under a microscope of media scrutiny. Probably the hardest thing about coming out, from what I've heard from those who have, is telling your family. It can keep some of the bravest strongest people closeted for years because they don't want to face the shock and hurt they worry will be there. Forcing someone out of the closet denies them the ability to reveal it to their family themselves and hopefully lessen some of the negative emotions they'll receive from having them find out on their own. If you were Mrs. Craig, would you rather find out your husband's gay from him, or from reading it on the internet or in a newspaper, or when someone calls you up to get a comment? And unlike Sen. Craig, his wife and children didn't sign up for public life and the lack of privacy, and they didn't vote against gay rights. They didn't earn this.

On Monday's Studio 60 there was a discussion about a proposed reality TV show the premise of which was to put 6 couples into a house and hold their private lives up to a public microscope to see which couple could withstand public scrutiny. The subtext of this part of the show was that such a television show would be appealing to the ugliest, basest instincts in human nature. We want to know the dirt on everyone else, so that we can feel better about ourselves because we know how bad they are. But everyone, I don't care WHO you are, has secrets. Everyone. I'm considered by most of my friends, family, and co-workers to be pretty pure and clean, but I'm not. I haven't been arrested, I'm not gay, I haven't had an abortion, I don't do drugs. But I am sure there is something that an investigator could find out about me that I wouldn't want revealed to the entire world. Something I did in a bar in Myrtle Beach, pictures I posted on the internet that I should've thought better of, etc. I think the desire to see those things blown up for the world to see is ugly, and just because someone runs for office does not make EVERY aspect of their life fair game. Harold Ford, Jr.'s dating habits aren't relevant to his candidacy unless they're illegal, and yet they're part of an NRSC press release. Whether Bill Clinton did or did not inhale 25 years ago shouldn't have mattered one whit to whether he could be president, but he was still asked the question. How long before we have a female candidate accused of screwing too many guys in college, or of having kissed a girl in a bar one time when she was really drunk? Should it matter if she did? If she did more than kiss a girl, if she dabbled with bisexuality or lesbianism for awhile, should THAT matter? And if it doesn't matter, then if she's not currently out as a lesbian or bisexual but occasionally has sex with women, should that be open for public consumption? Does the answer depend on whether she's consistently voting a 100% strong gay rights record?

I also think of it as being very similar to another context. I don't think a woman should be ashamed if she had an abortion, but a lot of women want to keep that a secret. And I'm sure plenty of pro-life women have at some point in time availed themselves of the right to choose because they couldn't for whatever reason have the child. What if one of these women ran for Congress and campaigned as being pro-life. Would it be acceptable to give the press hospital records showing that she had an abortion? Personally, I would never be able to use such a personal choice against someone, even if I thought they were a hypocrite for benefitting from a right they did not believe other women should have. I know people like this, and as much as it makes me crazy that they can't understand why it should remain legal, I also know that the decision to have an abortion is deeply personal and I am not willing to use it against someone if they've made such a decision. I guess I also am not willing to use it against someone if they've faced the dilemma of whether to admit to their family or the public at large that they're gay, and have been unable to bring themselves to do so. It's something that people struggle with, and I just don't feel right faulting them for how they deal with that struggle or using it against them.